So much of “my” life has been about seeking. Funny though, for a long time I didn’t even know they had a name for it.
I spent years, searching for truth, knowing there was something more than what I was seeing in this day-to-day life. I have lived like many, doing my perceived best. My best to help others, to be responsible, to make money, to honour all of my commitments etc
Though it has been in recent times, through reading works of great sages such as Ramana Maharshi, Ramesh Balsekar, Gangaji and many others, that the truth has begun to reveal itself.
None of this is in “my” control. Life is happening through me, not to me! Or to coin a phrase, “Thy will be done”.
A sudden awareness!
In recent times, I experienced a sudden physical illness. I was diagnosed with a sudden onset of an immune disorder. It came at a time that was already strained financially, yet it was such a moment of awareness, that there was nothing “I” could do. My body became so fatigued that some days I would sleep for 14 – 20 hours a day, when I was awake, my eyes were heavy and my mind was blurry.
Many fears and emotional patterns have been revealed through this experience; from my heart I am deeply grateful. Up until this time, I still believed that some how, I was in control.
Thy Will Be Done!
I understand, that this is exactly what I was meant to be doing, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened that way.
When as a family we were finding it difficult to make ends meet, it never ceased to surprise me, how someone would offer a helping hand or money would suddenly appear from somewhere unexpected places, though I would often feel a sense of guilt that “I” had not provided it or that “someone” was helping us.
I remember reading that even though Mother Theresa may not have been rich in finances; her life was so perfectly taken care of and she lived such a rich and fulfilling life. She lived and inspiring life of trust and there was always enough for her every need, so that she could continue to assist many.
What I became aware of, is that everything that we need, is always provided. Sometimes it may come through a seemingly miracle, sometimes through pardon, though all that we need when we are willing to see, is provided.
Being that all that is consciousness, it all comes from the same place, God, Source, Consciousness. The personal ownership or doer ship is eliminated and instead there is allowing of what is to be, without the sense and frustration of trying to control things.
Inner peace is revealed with the acceptance of thy will be done, and the frustration of trying to control, falls away.
